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Contributor Name: Anonymous
Created: May 13, 2020 at 9:18 PM

Story: What are your experiences teaching & learning in the time of coronavirus?

During this epidemic I am experiencing seasonal depression and frustration. I can't talk to my parents about this and I can't really contact the few friends that I have about this. Before the pandemic, I had the ability to go to my schools counseling and therapy services if I ever felt uneasy again. I did not feel the need to earlier this semester, but now that I am unable to, it has been difficult for me. I always mask my depression with a level of goofiness because it was easy, but it meant that people may interpret my moments of sadness as joking. I've tried to change that to some degree, but then the quarantine happened. No that I am cut off from people, it has reminded me how alone I am. Everyday I stay in my room and go out when I need to buy food and supplies for my family. For my parents, I feel that I cannot tell them about my feeling because of the cultural and language differences we have. They are immigrants while I am born here and the attitudes I think they have towards depression warrant me not telling them either of fear that they will judge me or over react. Some of my classes have managed to meet at least twice a week. In the last two sessions of one class I cried at the end which also happened last semester when I had that teacher. I feel that this year has been tough on me and I have felt like crying a lot. In terms of work, I have none now because my previous job was working at various schools which are now closed and because I am entering student teaching next semester (hopefully) I have to write in and tell them I will not be returning. Overall this experience has shown me how cowardly I am when it comes to communicating with others. I am happy when I get someone saying hello to me or asking how I am doing, but am scared to greet someone outside of work related stuff due to fear that they are dealing with their own problems and I might seem like a annoyance. I have a list of friend in my contacts who are going through stuff and who I push to the bottom of my contacts list because it bothers me when I scroll to them and get nervous trying to contact them. Unless their is an excuse, I don't do anything. I am not as depressed as I am making sound like, but I do feel very little about myself. I am not suicidal since II love living, but I just don't love myself. Writing helps as a substitute to taking with a counselor but I rarely feel motivated to do anything now unless it is work related. On the positive side I have plenty of time to go through the back log of shows, movies, games and graphic novels that I have been meaning to get to. I also have time to rethink my life and decide how I want to move forward as I start to become a teacher. I want to become a teacher who can be a pillar of support for students who are going through difficulties like the ones I am going through.  

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